Part 108: Doug's How To...

Doug's How To:

How to survive today in Netherlee.

Ingredients:

• A House with host
• A Bed with Doona
• A TV
• An iPod
• A Computer (Preferably with Internet access)
• 2 tea bags
• Car
• Coffee
• Cash
• Patience

Method:

1. Wake up and remove doona from body lowering the heat to a lower level. Stare at ceiling for a while in order to gather thoughts of what you must do to achieve something.
2. Allow the host to use your first tea bag and bring you a tea and Thank him/her as you sit in the sun outside and chat about whatever springs to mind. Also, politely inquire how your hosts toe is going (this is an optional extra if your host has a broken toe)
3. Get showered and dressed and run down stairs to be met by your host who wants to go to the shops. Also, listen to the fact that tonight you have a dance concert to go to. (Thus being the reason you are going to the shops, to buy some black socks)
4. Drive to the shops but realise you are hungry. The host will be ready to eat now too, so pull into McDonalds in time for their breakfast.
5. Feel bad as you are ruining all the exersize you did yesterday, but be happy because you have good coffee and a bacon and egg McMuffin.
6. Continue your journey to the shops and park in the closest position to the door in order to prevent your host having to walk as far with his/her broken toe.
7. Walk around the shops for a few hours and get a new book called "Perfume". Also, be there when your host buys a copy of the "Mumford and Sons" album and request to put it on your computer when you get home.
8. Walk around more in the shops and point out stupid things about stupid things and show your ignorance to Australian celebrities doing book signings in the shopping centre.
9. Leave the shops go back home and enjoy your second cup of tea. Also, jump on the computer and try and change flights with Qantas. This allows the flights to be more enjoyable at a future date.
10. Fail miserably at booking flights, so try apply for a job instead.
11. Fail miserably at that as well and give up. Use your computer for entertainment. Personally, I use MSN as it makes time fly a lot faster and also allows you to smile as you talk to people you like. I can also suggest going through your photos and feel nostalgic and laugh at videos that you have filmed previously. (For increased humour, watch videos of a group of people playing with a boomerang but being rather unsuccessful)
12. Sit outside and talk to the newly arrived children who are preparing for the eldest childs dance concert that should be ready to start in 1 hour.
13. Go to Dance concert and listen to iPod while waiting it to start. Clap and smile politely at appropriate places and be especially enthuiastic when Elvis comes on. Be annoyed at the tiny-tots who have way to many acts. (Seriously... they cant dance)
14. Stare at ceiling for the last hour and leave at 10pm. Get fish and chips for dinner and feel even grosser for eating more shit food.
15. Watch big brother and type a stupid blog and then realise the day has past rather quickly, all the same.
16. Reflect.

Variations could include taking up Tap dancing, sleeping through the entire day or making new friends. Either one is just as good.

Goodnight!